Cities and attitude,,,,

Scratch My Back Cities


By Harish Bijoor


Mrs. Reddy came over the other day and gave a big bowl of Sambar just before dinnertime. Dinner was good. The wife is now thinking. What do I send back in that bowl?

And then there are wives and wives and wives. Some will want to send something of equal quantity back. Some will want to send something of equal value back. And then there will be the others who will want to send something of bigger quantity or bigger value back. Just to make a point. Ouch!

Living in a city is all about giving and taking. This is a give and take society. Sending an empty bowl back is not the done thing. It is against our culture of city living altogether. If someone gives, you must give as well.

This giving and taking is not all about the women in our lives alone. It is about the men as well. It is only decent to return favors. Someone paid a restaurant bill the last time round and now it is time to do the honors. Its time to fight to pay the bill. Its only decent.

This moves on. In corporate work life, the give and take syndrome transcends from paying a bill by turn to scratching someone’s back because they scratched yours sometime or the other. Favors make the world go round big time in corporate life. Somebody stood by someone some day and it is now time to stand by the person who did it for you the last time round. Never mind the issue. Never mind the situation. Ouch!

This give and take life has invaded our city lives completely. Corrupted it totally as well.

In comes Diwali and Christmas and Id and every other festival that dot our lives. It is time to give. And take. Ouch.

If you sent a box of sweets for Diwali to Mrs. Popat, and Mrs. Popat did not return a box, it is time to blacklist Mrs. Popat the next time round. Ouch!

Have you ever wondered about the dynamics of give and take?

If you are visiting the Tuntuns, it is time to check out what to take as a gift. And it sure is time to quickly calculate the value of the gift the Tuntuns brought home the last time round when they were over. Time to benchmark value and deliver it back. Give and take seems to make the world of city living go round and round. I sometimes wonder if people keep little black-books that record quantum, value and returns.

Give and take city living comes to such a pass that there sure are a whole lot of gift items that keep circulating from home to home, without ever being used by any of the homes they touch down upon. If there is a gift that lands at home which you don’t quite like, or have too many of(or whatever), it is time to buy fresh packing paper, check for engraved notations of name on the gift, and if you find nothing exists, time to pack it all up once again and set it going on its give and take routine.

I have often wondered whether something sent out two years ago by the Jalpaiguri family ever reaches them back as well. And if so, do they recognize it, or do they just set it going once again?

Why am I talking about all this give and take routine? Why am I belaboring the point this much?

Very simply because it is time we got back to be genuine and real. Time to sit up and literally cause tumult. Time to sit up and say that you will not simply return a gift because you were gifted something.

Time to get real and genuine once again in our city lives. Time to say that I will gift something to someone only f I feel like it. Not because I am forced to return a favor.

Time to stop this charade for sure. Time to get a little uncivil and break out of the ennui of the predictable.

But why?

Very simply because what starts out as simple exchanges of Sambar for Pindi Chhole, rather quickly morph to boxes of sweets and vases and chalices and favors as well, a bit too fast.

City living seems replete with favors that are not done, but favors that are exchanged. I have nothing against favors being done to people. What I have my hackles up is against the exchange of favors altogether. At times, one favor does not deserve a return favor. Unfortunately however, we tend to forget this all the time. And that is the crux of the issue.
If you scratched my back the last time round, I sure do have to scratch your back the next time round dude! Never mind what the issue is all about. I am obliged to. Touche!
The author is a brand-specialist & CEO, Harish Bijoor Consults Inc.
Email: harishbijoor@hotmail.com